Separation Anxiety: How Does This Affect Us?

Do all babies experience separation anxiety?

Yes, to a degree. At certain stages most babies or toddlers will show true anxiety and will be upset at the prospect or reality of being separated from a parent.

If you think about separation anxiety, in evolutionary terms, it makes sense: A defenseless baby would naturally get upset at being separated from the person who protects and cares for him.

In many ways, attitudes about babies and separations are cultural. Western countries tend to stress autonomy from a very early age. In many other cultures, infants are rarely separated from their mother in the first year of life.

Regardless of the origins of this normal development stage, it is frustrating for babies and parents. The good news is that separation anxiety will pass and there are ways to make it more manageable. In the meantime, enjoy the sweetness of knowing that to your child, you are number one.

When does it most commonly occur?

Babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as 6 or 7 months. The crisis age for most babies is between 12 and 18 months.

Most commonly, separation anxiety strikes when you or your spouse leaves your child to go to work or run an errand. Babies can also experience separation anxiety at night, safely tucked in their cribs with mom and dad in the next room.

How can I help my baby through it? Here are several options available to parents:

Option #1

Minimize separations as much as possible and take your baby along if he seems to feel anxious. With this option you are basically waiting for your baby to outgrow this stage.

Option #2

If you have to leave your baby for example, to return to work, try leaving him with people who are familiar, like his father, grandmother or aunt. Your baby may still protest, but he might adjust more easily to your absence when surrounded by well known faces.

Option#3

If you need to leave your child with someone he does not know, give him a chance to get familiar with that person while you are still around.

How should I prepare my baby for separations?

As with any transition, give your baby an opportunity to gradually get used to the idea.Whether you are leaving him with a family member or a paid childcare provider, try the following suggestons:

Let your baby get comfortable. Ask the sitter to visit and play with your baby several times before you leave them alone for the first time. For your first real outing, ask the sitter to arrive 30 minutes early so she and the baby can be well engaged before you step out the door. Employ the same approach at a daycare center or at your nursery, church, or health club.

Always say goodbye. Kiss and hug your baby when you leave and tell him where you are going and when you will be back, but do not prolong the goodbyes.

Always say goodbye and do not sneak out the back door. Your baby will only become upset if he thinks you have disappeared into thin air.

Keep it light. Your baby is quite tuned into how you feel, so show your warmth and enthusiasm for the caregiver you have chosen. Do not cry or act upset if your baby starts crying, at least not while he can see you. You will both get through this. The caregiver will probably tell you that the tears stopped before you even got out of the driveway.

Once you leave , leave. Repeated trips back into the house or daycare center to calm your baby will make it harder on you , your child, and the caregiver.

Try a trial at first. Limit your first outing to no more than an hour. As you and your baby become more familiar with the sitter , surroundings and the routine you can extend your time away.

How should we handle nighttime separation anxiety?

Your baby's fear of being separated from you at night is very real to him, so you will want to do your best to keep the hours preceding bedtim as nurturing and peaceful as possible. In addition :

Spend some extra cuddle time with your baby before bed by reading, snuggling and softly singing together.

If your baby cries after you have put him to bed, it is fine to go to him to reassure him and yourself that he is okay. But make your visits brief and boring and he will learn to fall back to sleep without a lot of help from you. Eventually, he will be able to fall asleep on his own.

What if nothing seems to work?

Babies have different personalities, so some will experience more severe bouts of separation anxiety than others. If your child can not be comforted using simple methods, it is time to reevaluate.

Take a second look at you sitter or daycare center. The person or center may be a mismatch for your baby if he continues to become anxious and weepy when you leave.

Leave your baby with someone he knows for 15 minute periods, working your way up to an hour. Your baby can then learn that when you leave you also will return, without having the added stress of being with someone unfamiliar.

Reevaluate your goodbye pattern. Do you sneak out when your baby is not looking? Do you make it seem like you are going off to war? Do you slowly back down the walk waving and crying until your baby is out of sight?

A simple phrase like "see you later alligator" followed by a quick hug and a kiss can do wonders for an anxious child. Your actions show your baby that leaving is not a big deal and that you will be home again soon.

Separation anxiety upsets both parents as well as the baby, so it is not to be taken lightly. What happens during these formative situations can be either the beginning of later life anxiety or a smooth transition to the next stage of emotional development.

If you are suffering from anxiety as an adult you will want to look deeper into the possible triggers that can cause adult anxiety.

Find a solution to your own anxiety issues whatever they may be ,in the book: Anxiety Ended-  Regain Your Freedom And Overcome Your Fears

There are many options to choose from in the book. I recommend the first one you use is The Regain Your Freedom Technique. All the other options including any techniques you may already be using ,can be combined with The Regain Your Freedom Technique in the process of anxiety elimination.

Find us at : http://www.anxietyended.com

Click on the highlighted word baby and browse down the page to see our new anxietyended line of products. The baby bib midway down the page is so cute. Enjoy your experience shopping at our store.

You will also find a great journal to use with The Regain Your Freedom Technique. Pick up more than one. Journaling is an important part of the two steps in our anxiety ending program.

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